Suicide is the number one cause of death in males aged 15–44 years in the United Kingdom. In the United States, it’s the leading cause of death among boys aged 10–19 and remains the second-biggest killer of men aged 20–44, just behind drug use disorders — many of which themselves stem from untreated mental health issues. American men are four timesmore likely than women to die by suicide.
Globally, the trends are just as disturbing. Across countries as varied as Japan, Norway, South Africa, Argentina, and Morocco, suicide consistently ranks among the top five causes of death for men aged 10–44. This is not a “Western softness” problem — despite what some older generations like to bark from the rooftops. It’s a worldwide crisis.
In the U.S. alone, nearly 50,000 people died by suicide in 2023, three-quarters of them men. Among men who died by suicide, 60% used firearms, compared to 35% of women. Strangulation (often by hanging) accounted for roughly a quarter of cases in both sexes. According to 2024 data from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMSHA), 12.5% of adults aged 18–25 reported suicidal thoughts that year, with 2% attempting suicide.
As someone who has attempted to end his life, I want to avoid saturating this post in statistics. Numbers matter, but understanding why they’re so catastrophic matters more.
A Moment That Sparked This Post
A few nights ago, I was watching I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!. Jack Osbourne, who recently lost his father Ozzy, broke down crying in camp. Almost immediately, he apologised — promising not to do it again.
Then Morgan Burtwistle (a YouTuber known as AngryGinge) looked at him and said:
“It’s alright, mate. Men cry too.”
Even as a scientist, it was a response that hit harder than any statistic. Because he’s right. Men do cry, but many feeling they’re not allowed to. Men are mocked by other men for showing emotion. Told to “man up”. Discouraged from expressing vulnerability. Yet those same men will cry their eyes out if their football team gets relegated. The hypocrisy is astounding.
Men shouldn’t be villainized by other men for struggling. But they are, constantly. The silence that results? It kills.
When The Weight Becomes Too Much
Why does society blame men for their own struggles? I’m not talking about people who do irresponsible things or harm others – their actions are their responsibility. I mean the everyday chronic stress many men carry quietly:
- Job insecurity
- Financial pressure
- Social comparisons
- Loneliness
- Feelings of inadequacy
- Emotional restriction
Men are expected to “deal with it” and move on. But pressure stacks. And eventually, people crack.
Many turn to escapism, especially substance use. After my grandmother died, her son (my uncle) was wracked with depression. The trauma and grief led to a reliance on alcohol and, soon after, resulted in him taking his own life. I was a teenager at the time. Whether he had the appropriate support network I will likely never know, nor be fully told the truth. However, I believe in my bones it was a tragedy that could have been prevented.
According to the Institute for Health Metric and Evaluation, drug and alcohol use disorders are more common in men than women in most countries – everywhere from Bolivia to Italy to Mongolia.
We try to numb rather than face. Distract rather than talk. Endure rather than heal.
Why Men Don’t Seek Support
Several barriers feed this silence:
1. Stigma and judgement
Mean fear being seen as weak, unreliable, unmanly, or burdensome.
2. A lifetime of poor emotional conditioning
Many of us were raised to toughen up, shut up, and not cry. That becomes our default.
3. Self-worth tied to productivity
Historically men have provided through physical labour; now the economy has shifted. Many haven’t been shown how to find value outside “providing” and feel lost when they can’t. This cultural confusion has fuelled the rise of toxic men’s movements – misogynistic echo chambers blaming women for male loneliness and mental collapse. But women are notresponsible for fixing men. Nor should they endure abuse disguised as “male empowerment.”
4. Fear of becoming a burden
Most men I know (myself included) have swallowed hellish levels of emotional pain because we didn’t want to “bother’ anyone. It’s tragic how many men would rather crumble quietly than ask for help.
What Depression Looks Like in Men
Many men do not recognize their symptoms as depression – not because we’re oblivious, but because we weren’t taught to read emotional signals. Depression in men often presents as:
- Numbness
- Irritability
- Anger
- Risk-taking
- Overworking
- Withdrawal
- Loss of interest
- Helplessness without sadness
Depression isn’t just sadness. Often, it’s the absence of emotion altogether – a black pit where feeling used to live.
For me, depression shows up as irritability, disengagement, emotional flatness, excessive sleep, overeating, and a complete lack of empathy for anyone including myself. I rarely cry – because depression has taken that instinct from me. You sometimes forget how to feel.
And sometimes these behaviours get praised:
“Strong.”
“Stoic.”
“Hard worker.”
Depression in men is often rewarded before it is recognized.
Why “I’m Fine” Isn’t Fine
We all know the classic male autopilot responses:
- “I’m fine.”
- “Just tired.”
- “Stressed.”
Sometimes that’s true. But sometimes it’s a man clinging to the last thread of himself because talking feels like admitting defeat. Society has conditioned men to collapse quietly rather than shout for help. That cycle has to stop.
How We Break the Cycle
This will take all of us – friends, family, partners, healthcare professionals – working together to build environments where men feel safe enough to talk.
1. Normalize the Language
Talking about mental health only becomes normal when we treat it as normal.
Don’t just say, “My door is always open.”
Instead, say something that actually opens it:
- “You’ve seemed overwhelmed lately – want to talk about anything?”
- “You don’t have to deal with tough days alone.”
If you’ve struggled, say so. Men often open up when someone else goes first.
2. Don’t Judge, Correct, or Fix
When a man finally speaks, he doesn’t need:
- Analysis
- Debate
- Minimization
- Immediate fixing
He needs you to listen. Quietly and fully. Even if the problem seems small to you, it might be massive for him. Everyone has their own Everest.
Ask before giving advice. Not every problem requires a solution – sometimes they just need space.
3. Respect Their Pace
Some men need time to edge toward vulnerability.
Let silence happen.
Let them breath.
Let them think before speaking.
If they’ve never opened up before, their heart is probably pounding in their chest. Patience matters.
4. Encourage Professional Support – Carefully
Never say, “You need therapy.”
You’re likely not a therapist and shouldn’t act like one.
Instead, if you’ve benefited from therapy, share your experience. Normalize it. Make it feel human, not clinical.
Therapy isn’t a command – it’s an invitation.
5. If You’re a Man Reading This
Depression is not a failure.
Silence is not a strength.
Vulnerability is not a weakness.
You wouldn’t ignore chest pain or a broken bone. Your mind deserves the same urgency.
You’re allowed to feel multiple things at once. You’re allowed to ask for help. And you’re absolutely not an inconvenience to the people who love you.
Every time I’ve reached out, someone has been there. Every time.
A Final Thought
Men aren’t underreporting depression because they’re unaware. They’re underreporting because they were never given permission – by society, by other men, often by themselves – to acknowledge their pain without being punished for it.
If we can normalize real conversations, not performative ones, men can exist as full humans rather than shadows holding themselves together by the edges.
In a world fractured by division, we need empathy more than ever – for men, for women, for all of us trying to survive our own storms. Support each other. Listen to each other. Carry each other when needed.
Together, we can break this cycle.
References
https://ourworldindata.org/grapher/prevalence-of-drug-use-disorders-males-vs-females
https://ourworldindata.org/grapher/prevalence-of-alcohol-disorders-males-vs-females
This is mental health. 