I came to a disconcerting revelation recently. That is, I actively avoid giving myself time alone with my own thoughts. I continuously preoccupy myself either with work or friends. All the while, I ignored the fact that I haven’t given myself time away from the world to just sit and reflect. Meditation was, for me, an incredible relaxant and stress reliever for a period. Now however, I pretend like I simply do not have time for it. Why?
The answer to this seemingly convoluted question is simple. I do not want to admit that depression negatively impacts my daily life. Instead, I like to take on other people’s problems. A primary reason for this is because I do not want to be left to tackle my own.
If you do not actively put time aside to dynamically reflect on your own personal happiness, you may never truly feel happy. But of course, feelings are subjective. They can also be clouded when we mistake life essentialities for disillusioned wants created through the distortion of society.
It is a weird concept, and hard to express to those who do not completely understand. You can be upset, and you have absolutely no reason why. You know in the long run, that everything will be ok, and it usually is. However, that doesn’t disperse those negative emotions. Conversely, ignoring them entirely will likely prolong the perceived negativity.
You can’t run from depression.
That doesn’t mean you will be living in it’s shadow for the entirety of your life. If you actively try and run from it though, it may end up haunting you; destructively influencing some critical choices that you will inevitably make during your life. For me, that is where it hits home. Sadness and anger have already lead me to make some serious mistakes, with many initially overwhelming me with regret. Reflection allowed me to see that my depressive state was a primary causative factor directing the traffic in the majority of those situations.
If, however, something (or someone) you cannot let go of that is catalyst to your sadness, such as a bad breakup, you need to understand that the only reason why you haven’t let go of it, is because it was once the only thing that made you happy.
Go ahead, feel sad and depressed, then rise again. Break down and cry, then rise again. Think of giving up, then rise again. Remember, it’s okay to feel weak.
Just rise again.